The twisted satisfaction I feel when sabotaging second grade spelling bees.Ĭons: Crust is bland, rubbery when cooked in microwave. Pros: Crust is flaky, crispy when cooked in oven. Item: Limited Edition Chicken Pot Pie Hot Pockets (Nutrition Facts – 1 Hot Pocket – 240 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of total fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 480 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.)
Kate, if you’re reading this, I’ve got a box of pepperoni Hot Pockets with your name on it. Watch Harry and the Hendersons without crying Well, at least I can cross something off my bucket list:ģ.
At only a few cents over two dollars, they seem like a steal, but I have no desire to purchase another box. This Chicken Pot Pie Hot Pocket leaves something to be desired, and feels more like a savory pie-flavored Toaster Strudel than a bonafide pot pie. In addition, several spots inside the pocket were emptier than expected the pastry could have used a bit more filling. Every once in a while, I experienced a burst of pea flavor, but the carrots, onions, and celery seemed lost in the sea of pie filling. Its flavor comes primarily from the chicken, which doesn’t feel rubbery or unnatural in texture, but tastes over-seasoned with a pre-packaged meat vibe. After repeatedly scorching the roof of my mouth on the Hot Pocket’s superheated innards, I was finally able to taste the filling.Ĭompared to the filling in frozen pot pies I’ve tasted in the past, the Hot Pocket’s filling seems less creamy. Ever try getting your swole on while Snoop busts a rhyme about beef and cheese? That shit’s a natural muscle enhancer.īreathing in the unmistakable scent of freshly-baked chicken pot pie, I was eager to take my first bite. I even keep the MP3 on my iPod for when I work out at the gym. That video deserved a Grammy, or at least a Nobel Peace Prize. I must admit, I had pretty high expectations for this crust after hearing Snoop Dogg sing its praises in that bizarre Hot Pockets commercial from a few years back. The oven provided better results, yielding a more flaky, crispy crust that drew attention away from these flaws. It tasted blandly of flour, with not enough buttery flavor. What’s that? Use it in a sentence? My Hot Pocket contains sodium stearoyl lactylate.”Įven after using the included crisping sleeve, the Hot Pocket emerged from the microwave with a slightly rubbery, chewy crust.
According to the back of the box, it also contains many complex-sounding ingredients that could easily trip up the finalists in a second grade spelling bee: “Timmy, your word is sodium stearoyl lactylate. According the front of the box, each Hot Pocket contains white meat chicken, carrots, peas, onions, and celery. I eventually made it home with a package of Hot Pockets Limited Edition Chicken Pot Pie. To my surprise, they were not located in the same aisle as diapers. I soon realized I was unsure of where to find Hot Pockets in this supermarket. Freedom of Meats, y’all.Įxercising my rights as an American citizen, I decided to visit my local Hot Pocket Palace, known more colloquially as Walmart. Don’t believe me? Go read the Bill of Rights. As a citizen of this beautiful country, it is my duty to engorge myself with meat-filled freezer pies to my heart’s content. With tears in my eyes and hunger in my stomach, I spent many lunchtimes watching my classmates shove pepperoni-filled pastries into their pudgy little faces.īut now I’m an adult, and I’ve sworn to eat as many Hot Pockets as I want. When I was a kid, my mom chose not to feed us Hot Pockets.
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